…Having these structured conversations does several things: it shows our children that adults are human (even their parents), with human emotions that we deal with in whatever ways we do. It shows our children that their feelings and thoughts matter to us, not just when they’re in trouble, or when we require something of them. (Except for the Minecraft play-by-play, which it would be totally fine never to hear about again.) And it opens the door for future conversations to flow freely. Dating. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. And with my luck, probably more Minecraft.

But wait! You don’t have to just wade in blindly. There are some simple questions I like to use when checking in with my students, or my family. Don’t feel pressured to cram them all into one conversation; this is a check-in, not a chore or an assignment.

These questions can be answered in writing or out loud, depending on children’s ages and writing abilities. It might feel awkward at first, like an assignment or interview, but with practice it gets much more natural. It’s amazing what kids choose to share when given the opportunity, and how different it can be from what they choose to share on their own. Don’t be afraid to model answering the questions yourself! While it’s important to be strong and brave for our families, it can be empowering for kids to know that adults can feel uncertain and afraid while still moving forward with day-to-day life.

Want to see the full list of questions? Read more at Scary Mommy!