“Before you think about retaliating, ask yourself: is this person normally out to get me?”

Sun Tzu on the art of war? General Patton on the rules of engagement? No, just me advising some pre-recess fourth graders on the weeks after winter break.

We forget that this time of year is usually hard for kids for many reasons. From the school perspective, winter break is the second longest break of the year, after summer break.

But maybe now’s the most important time of all for just a basic acknowledgement of someone else’s difficulties — whether or not you can identify with them. You don’t have to understand or approve of someone else’s troubles in order to make them feel understood and supported. You will be amazed at the response you get from just a few words.

These questions can be answered in writing or out loud, depending on children’s ages and writing abilities. It might feel awkward at first, like an assignment or interview, but with practice it gets much more natural. It’s amazing what kids choose to share when given the opportunity, and how different it can be from what they choose to share on their own. Don’t be afraid to model answering the questions yourself! While it’s important to be strong and brave for our families, it can be empowering for kids to know that adults can feel uncertain and afraid while still moving forward with day-to-day life.